What Happened To Torture Porn?

A God amongst men once said, “Before you judge me, try hard to love me.” So I ask you all to not judge me for wondering what the hell happened to torture porn?! It’s a legit question.

“So is asking a stranger if they’re a size 14.”

( Shut it, Bill! )

I came across Hostel on Netflix. Seeing the poster to Hostel really sends me back to a different time. I was seriously tripping hard on a radical wave of nostalgia for a good ten minuteses from my past trigger that feeling but when it does it is freaking awesome. And the reason why Hostel is a lost toy for me has to do with the time period…

The year was 2005. The world was still fresh for me. I was a sophomore in high school and everything was pretty freaking sweet. Why? Because I saw a fucking movie that changed how I saw horror. The Eli Roth masterpiece, Hostel dropped in the stupid cold of January.

My dad dropped me and Frank off at the movie theater. We went in with smiles and left looking like we saw our parents porno tape.

For the entirety of the winter, I walked around the world contemplating life, art and the meaning of horror. It was awesome. My horror education took yet another massive step into higher learning. That feeling of something new. Something WTF really makes me miss good ol’ torture porn. And that isn’t a bad thing.

After Hostel, I found Wolf Creek ( a huge fav of mine), Wes Craven’s Last House on The Left, Italian horror gems like Deep Red, Torso, and Pieces, Peter Jackson’s Brain Dead, and eventually landed my way to films like Turistas, the entire Texas Chainsaw series, and eventually the Human Centipede series. Interestingly enough, Human Centipede II was the last time this torture porn genre shocked me. Suddenly, my roughly 6-year eduction into torture porn ended.

So I ask myself, upon a deep nostalgia trip, what the hell happened to torture porn? Have we become to damn sensitive as a culture? Or have we simply out WTF’d ourselves already?

 

With the current stream of real-life shocks on the daily, I think torture porn, over the top, no-nonsense violence is needed to let off a little steam. Don’t get me wrong, we did get a few gems like The Green Inferno, but they are few and far between. I don’t want a cell phone horror flick. I want a true Hollywood release of something painful. Or do I want it? Am I just drowning in the nostalgia of Hostel? Was it a perfect example of one’s teenage experiences? I have no idea.

All I know is that I may just watch Hostel 1-2 and Wolf Creek while the world continues to be attacked by microbial assholes.

 

Sad Drac Out!

 

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Sad Dracula Finds Halloween Stuff!

What’s this? What’s this?! There’s something in the air! I beg thee do not fear. For Halloween is here!

And it is at this time that I would like to share, if you care, my finds so far of this most delightful season.

So as the Autumn clock slowly ticks, take a look at these Halloween pics!

99 cents for a new friend? Not bad!

Zombie hand gummy lollipop? Yes x100!!

I found this guy at Goodwill. It’s licensed from New Line Cinema. I think it was supposed to be a Freddy Krueger scarecrow!

Three 50 foot Bud Light cardboard banners and 4 Omega Virus board games. Life is good!

That horse mask is terrifying!

I found this across the street from my place. He wins Halloween

We all float at AMC Theater

The new Pennywise deserves this spot!

So happy to see that Leatherface is getting some shelf time.

My podcast partner and I found these awesome cardboard standees at an all night flea market!

The Munsters carriage was at the all night flea market as well. So freaking awesome

Well that sums up my brief Encounters with Halloween 2017. I’ll definitely be posting more pictures in the near future.

If you have the time I would love if you took a look at and followed me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. I try to post a bunch of random stuff that hopefully will make you smile.

Also please check out the podcast I co-host, It’s Alive! A horror and nostalgia driven show where we discuss pretty much everything an anything spooky!

ITS ALIVE! Horror and Halloween Nostalgia show

We saw IT!

We saw the IT movie! And of course we just had to record about our experience. Yes. It’s all SPOILER FREE. We aren’t monsters!

Below you will find the link to the podcast. But before you do let me just say how great Bill Skarsgard’s performance is as our favorite insane clown, Pennywise. He is truly a terrifying monster. If you never feared clowns before, I am sure you will after you see his delicious performance. I seriously can’t stop thinking about all the little things he did and said. Creepy!

Anyways, we truly appreciate all the support we get with It’s Alive! Horror Podcast. Chris and I have been talking this way since we met in High School. That was over ten years ago. We just hope you have fun with it too! And don’t forget to get involved. We love feedback and chitchat. Your opinion matters!

 

EPISODE 15.

It’s an unusually stormy September night here at the crypt. And with that, we take advantage of the atmosphere by paying an early visit to a certain killer clown. With an advanced screening of Stephen King’s It fresh in our skulls we discuss if one of the most anticipated horror films of the year sinks […]

via Ep. 15: Sink or Float — It’s Alive! Horror Podcast

Rob Zombies 31

I just saw Rob Zombies 31. I’ll cut the shit to the bone: it was awesome!!! This is a mix of the most Dangerous Game infused with the brilliance of Mr. Rob Zombie. Rob Zombie makes Rob Zombie movies. 

31 is the return of brute horror. Zombie said he relishes the sleazy films of the 70’s. He loves it so much that he pays homage to the brand in all his films. He is the curator of the rotting wound that hides under the scab of modern horror. 

In 31 he gives us a simple story. Carnies get kidnapped by a sadistic cult. They must survive the night. Boom. Done. It needs nothing more. Think about all the classic 70’s horror films. They are ultra simplistic in plot. It works.

What makes this film extra special is the simply awesome and deranged characters called Heads. The Top Gun is Doom-Head. This guy is one of my favorite RZ characters now! He’s filled with Twisted morals and poetic gutter dialogue. You love to hate him.

Everybody did a fantastic job in this movie. The soundtrack was awesome, the 70s score was fantastic, the editing was top knotch, the direction is perfect and the acting was great.
After a decade of Supernatural films it’s always nice to get a Rob Zombie experience. I implore everybody to witness this horror show. Remember that horror can only survive if you pay up when good horror is released. 

IT: Pennywise Finally Hits the Big Screen!

So Stephen King’s 1,138 page book IT (written in tiny font) is getting its first feature film adaption. You read that correctly. Stephen Kings IT was never adapted for the big screen. If you said the 1990 adaptation is your favorite film you have been lying and undoubtedly will go to hell. Let me advise you on what I mean, dear liars. The Tim Curry version is a tv miniseries that aired on ABC in November of 1990. With this knowledge you may all begin to repent your wicked ways and hope the eldritch demon does not murder you.

I’ll be honest. I did attempt to read the Stephen King beast of a book. However, I was distracted by my cat and irritated by the tiny text. Those are my problems but I just couldn’t invest in the story. Perhaps I will find a version with bigger text.

I have another confession. The 1990 miniseries never clicked with me.

Gasp! Scream! Curses!

Yes, Tim Curry was great. No, I was not scared after watching it. The miniseries is simply outdated and often corny. These are facts. The director, Tommy Lee Wallace, also directed Halloween III: Season of the Witch. I didn’t care for that either. Judge me not by my honesty.

I do love the hell out of the concept of IT. A group of misfits called The Loser Club get attacked by a demon disguised as a rather proper Clown. I’m hoping that this upcoming adaptation will lighten the load of the book and give us a cinematic horror experience. And It does seem like we are getting that this time around. Drector Andres Muschietti (Mama) is helming this bad boy. If you remember Mama you will remember that it was damn scary flick with a good story.

That news alone had tickled my interest. But the news that was dropped today by Entertainment Weekly had captured my full blown attention. Without wasting time New Line Cinema gave the go ahead for EW to give us a huge reveal. That reveal is Bill Skarsard in full Pennywise paint!

He ain’t clowining around!

Bill Skarsgard is the spawn of Stellan Skarsgard (Thor, Pirates of the Caribbean) and brother of Alexander Skarsgard ( True Blood fame). Besides being Swedish, what makes Bill such a good choice is that he is 25 years old and he has very unique looks. Both of those make for a unique casting choice to play an ancient demon. I believe he will bring a nice youthful energy to the role. The age honestly doesn’t matter. What matters is his ability to bring a certain charisma to Pennywise. Watching interviews with the young lad confirms that he has said charisma. Plus, he has evil eyes!

The world is ready for evil clowns. 2017 will bring us the most terrifying Clown film ever. I truly can’t wait to see it. Before you start complaining, remember that this is the first feature film we are getting. Remember that the 1990 version is it’s own vehicle. Embrace the fact that we are getting a big screen horror film with a clown.

Amen.

Horror 1988: Slime City!

One of my favorite things to do when I’m bored is to watch random horror trailers for movies that I have never seen. What’s even better is when I find a trailer to a horror flick that I have never heard of! The feeling of seeing something totally virgin is a damn treat. I’m not saying I’ve seen every single horror movie in the universe. What I’m saying is I’ve heard or come across a dungeon full of horror films so it makes it tough for me to be surprised.

But that’s all going to change starting tonight. The tiny red monster inside me scream for virgin horror cinema. And by golly I will appease its Kong sized appetite! My goal is to select a specific year in horror and pillage it until the red monster is satisfied. This is Graveyard Machine Mission! But every mission must have a game plan. Or maybe just a rough idea of game plan that could potentially be a game plan but out of pure laziness we will not actually have a game plan but a nugget of plan that could be grow into something that looks like a game plan.

Boring! I will do this rough and on the edge! I have selected by year in horror. Now, I could have picked any year. The world is my oyster but I felt like I should pick a year that is special to me. That year is the year the world was given the greatest gift of all time – me. The year is 1988.

The year of my birth is filled with some top shelf horror films. But it’s also bursting with absolutely ridiculous horror movies. So it’s with disgusting pleasure that I present to you the first trailer from Horror: 1988. I give to you the most disgusting horror trailer that I have ever seen.

Watching the trailer for Slime City literally had me tasting the yellow pus and goop that seemed to dominate it. It also had me shaking my head and wondering why the heck didn’t I see this in high school! This type of film is awesome garbage. Nice hot, sticky garbage that you pass around to your friends. The movie is apparently about a couple moving into an apartment. The main face takes some sort of drink that turns him into a slimy murderer. YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS TRAILER!

Tell me that wasn’t the most over the top, sanitize your eyeballs trailer you’ve ever seen?! The effects are simply amazing. The gruesomeness is on par with anything I have ever seen. That’s including any Fulci film. Bold statement but true.

Slim City is clearly pure exploitation slop. It’s these kinds of films that you want to watch with a group of friends on a Saturday night. Selecting films at random was sort of a risky decision. I could have wasted three minutes of my life. I’m glad I didn’t waste my precious minutes with this trailer.

SLIME CITY is a Graveyard Machine must watch.

The Future of Horror Part II: The Demon Nun film!

THE DEMON NUN FROM THE CONJURING 2 IS GETTING A SOLO FILM!

I love being right when being right means I am right about something amazing! That something amazing broke earlier today when Hollywood Reporter announced that James Wan and Peter Safran will be producing a Demon Nun spinoff! As you may or may not know, the Demon Nun is Wan’s latest terrifying creation in The Conjuring 2.

The Demon Nun was actually a last minute idea by Wan. Hollywood Reporter writes – “the shoot took place in March, just three months before the movie was scheduled to open on June 10. Some of the changes were minor: The art piece that Wilson is painting was altered digitally as the horned demon made way for the demon nun…”

Now that is simply amazing! That is a sign that this movie is destined to become a classic. I love little nuggets like this! I am so glad the God’s of creation blessed Wan with this last minute idea. I knew upon first sighting The Demon Nun would be the new face of horror. You can damn well expect to see awesome Demon Nun merchandise in the very near future.

In Part I of the future of horror article I talked about how The Conjuring 2 would change everything. The announcement about The Demon Nun film only confirms this. This is a perfect opportunity to explore the virtual reality experience! Give us that 4-D experience, baby!

Imagine this if you will: you reach the theater doors. It’s closed. On the doors are upside down crucifixes. The faint sound of The Demon Nun score spills out of the theater as you open the doors. You can’t see anything because thick smog is billowing from an unknown source. As you enter the theater, you trigger a motion detector that activates a animatronic of The Demon Nun! She lunges. You run to your seats, heart beating out of your chest. You fumble with your VR headset, wondering if you can handle The Demon Nun….Can I get an amen?

Go see the The Conjuring 2, folks. It’s one hell of a summer blockbuster!