I bought a box of 26 year old Addams Family Cereal.

A couple of weeks ago I had a Tuesday off. I’m still adjusting to the rather random schedule of my e-commerce job but having a day off while the majority of the world works is a very bodacious thing.

The first thing I did was stand by my window, wearing my lucky Star Wars underwear, and laugh like Tim Curry in Legend as the sad-sacks outside trudged to work.

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That lasted for about fifteen minutes. But what could I do with the rest of my time off? Should I tighten up my personal financial reports? Should I continue plotting my screenplay? Or should I clean up my apartment and fight off the sentient broccoli instide my fridge? The world was my Oyster. I was going to use this day to better myself. So I went to my local antique Store and purchased a 26 year old box of Addams Family Cereal.

The world was my Oyster. I knew was going to use this day to better myself. I was going to fire up my inner Tony Robbins and kick the day in the ass.  So I went to my local antique store and purchased a 26 year old box of Addams Family Cereal.

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It’s been two weeks and I’m still not sure if I’m proud of buying cereal that’s 2 years my junior. A mystery that haunts the top of my fridge.

What drove me to this $4 dollar purchase was the fact I had no idea that The Addams Family movie dipped its toes in the cereal world. I was really freaking amazed.  Don’t be surprised by this. I missed out on a crap ton of cool stuff from the 90’s because of life. But that’s why I have this blog. To fill in the blanks. The Addams Family Cereal find will be one of many for me.

This awesome website – Mr. Breafast – gives a nice breakdown on the history and contents of this very cool cereal tie-in. Read all about it by clicking the link. 

Examining the box really made me miss how freaking awesome everything was back in the day. We can’t even get NEW Halloween cereal despite the fact that Halloween has never been hotter. Imagine if the new Ghostbusters movie or the Goosebumps movie had a cereal! I know Goosebumps did it before. Why not do it for the new movie?!

Missed opportunities, guys!

Just look The Addams Family Cereal box. Look at the design. I don’t know if the corporate fat cats from the 90’s were far more creative or gutsy. Whatever the X-factor they had needs to come back to 2017.

 

“THE CREEPY, CRUNCH CEREAL WITH THE GREAT TASTE YOU’LL SCREAM FOR.”

Even the catchphrase on the cereal is awesome. Not impressed? Check out the commercial!

 

Watching this really made me want more modern cereal movie tie-ins. I don’t care for the superhero stuff. I’m talking spooky movies damn it!

Just imagine if the IT movie randomly came out with a Pennywise themed cereal. It would be kinda like Cap’n Crunch Crunch Berries. The various colored berries would be Pennywise’s balloons. The box would be white with his face dominating the entire front. The catchphrase?

The title: Pennywises Sugar Pops!

The catchphrase?

“It’s so good, you’ll float too!”   

And for the collectible?

A mini plastic Pennywise that changes his face when you press a button on his back!   

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Oh boy. Now I’m sad. Maybe I’ll just eat this 26 year old box of Addams Family cereal and think about what could be but never will be.

-Sad Dracula.

Halloween ’88

Halloween is coming around the corner fast! It is at this time that I would like to share with you some RETRO Halloween art by my friend CMP.

He completed a piece called HALLOWEEN 88′. The image you see really hit home for me. It captures the essence of what we want (or remember) Halloween to be like. Before the stupid alcohol infused parties and tity witches, we had legit Halloween experiences. Scary ghost stories, trick r’ treating, awesome costumes etc. It was a time of innocents. It was Halloween 88′.

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Halloween88 Prints now available in my store!

Do you remember when times were like this? Or perhaps a Halloween that never was.

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Halloween Treats 2017: Part I

In order to escape the insanity of the day I decided that Goober peanut butter and jelly was needed in my life. I am an avid consumer of the sandwich called PB&J. So when I get the need to feed, I jauntily head to my kitchen to consume. Today I really needed a fix. So you could imagine how fucking pissed I was when I found my supply of Goober was all but gone!

Beyond irritated (nothing new) I drove to my local supermarket in what I can only describe as fucking terrible weather. It was like living in a wet wool sock that was worn during football practice. Luckily the local Jewel was only minutes from my crypt.

Using a spatula to scrap my balls from my truck seat, I wandered into the nearly empty store with Goober on my mind but came out with something much, much more.

Yeah, I found the Goober goodness but I also found some freaking awesome Halloween treats! My head was so distracted that I forgot that the chances of encountering Halloween in the wild were pretty high since I personally started Halloween this year. You read that correctly. I found Halloween first. Let me have my childish statement, damn it!

So without further ado I present to you my Halloween Treats: Part 1.

 I’m not going to bore you with my play-by-play analysis  of this bologna. But what I will say is this – The color scheme of Halloween treats truly erases any negativity that surfaces in my pea brain. These packages and all that they contain is one of the many reasons why we all love Halloween.

Halloween is 100 Days Away.

STOP what you are doing! Halloween is 100 days away! This means we can officially start celebrating our most sacred Holiday!  

HOORAY!

I like to kick off my celebration by watching a couple of Halloween movies. However, their is a rule that I always obey- I will not watch the original Halloween until all Hallows Eve draws closer! This is fine with me because the franchise is filled with goodness. 

One of my favorites is H20. I already watched it not ‘so long ago but it has great rewatch value. Plus, the VHS has a killer CREED video at the end. Can you taste the 90’s.

Another thing I need to do is start tossing up some decorations. I’m planning on making my apartment into the coolest haunt this side of Instagram because I have no physical friends. I’m talking vintage spookiness mixed with a dash of blood, pumpkins and monsters galore.

I’m also working on a killer Spotify playlist that will bring out the dead. Music is super important to my resurrection of Halloween. It keeps the pumpkin blood flowing. Ya feel me?

So how are you getting ready for Halloween? What is the first thing you do to celebrate? Whatever it is I just hope you do it because ain’t nothing better than some HALLOWEEN. 

Moving forward The Graveyard Machine will be diving into all things Halloween.

 Now, let’s have some fun.

Your Opinion Matters

Today I would like to remind you that it’s okay if you want to like or dislike something popular. This heavily applies to the world of horror. Heavily. Applies.

I really don’t like zombie movies. This opinion gets me crucified by my fellow horror fiends. But I really don’t give a rats ass on what they think. However, I see that the pop culture mind control machine prevents real opinions from being had for fear of not fitting in.

Like what you fucking want to like. Write, read, watch what YOU want. If you’re at a party and everybody is bitching about the Nightmare on Elm Street remake that you love, speak up! Don’t let robots crap on your views. Tell them how and why your opinion matters. Because it does!

Just remember that your views and opinion is what makes YOU unique. It also helps keep things fresh. So dear reader, stay fresh or join the mundane horde of popular opinions and slowly rot away.

Godzilla Resurgence sucked….

Burger King Kids Club Halloween

I have hundreds (and I mean hundreds) of fast food toys. I love them. They remind me of when salt was just salt and not a death sentence. My treasure trove of 90’s fast food toys is dominated by Burger King. I was always a BK kid. I found Kid Vid and his radical pals to be far more cooler than that slap happy clown who was up to something sinister. Never trust a clown!

So I have a ton of neat toys from the golden age of BK. Everything from Pokemon to Bonkers crash cars. However, my collection has one monstrous hole in it. Actually, it far more than a hole. The series that I missed out on goes beyond owning any of the physical toys. I simply cannot remember these toys being advertised! That’s a damn shame since I am a big fan of the Universal Horror Monsters!

Check out this killer Burger King UHM commercial – Burger King Universal Monsters Trailer.

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I have no idea how I missed out on this epic campaign. It could be do to the fact that I was actually fighting monsters instead of playing with them. Pshhh. Ya’ll have no idea what I have seen!

Watching the commercial reminds me of how kick ass fast food toys use to be. Now we get these dinky toys that aren’t even playable. The heck! CAN’T A GUY JUST ORDER A KIDS MEAL SO HE CAN FORGET ABOUT MODERN TIMES!

Ebay hunting I go.

Bye.

 

 

 

Sad Dracula Finds: VHS Treasures! Vol.1

Friday was filled with relaxation. Saturday was pleasantly lost with friends and alcohol. Sunday was, and always will be, the day of the hunt! Sometimes hunting bodacious treasures takes me to Flea Markets, thrift stores or garage sales for stuff. But this time it was centered on a single solitary mission – hunt for VHS Treasures!

98% of horror fans collect VHS. This is fact. My interest in the almighty VHS was rather simple. My mission was to reclaim all the tapes I had as a kid. I suffer from a danger case of nostalgiaitis. (not a word). So began my journey across Chicagoland to collect the movies in my past. I needed to see the old promos. I need to hear the iconic music of each production company when they owned Hollywood. Nothing beats the old New World Pictures or Orion Pictures production title cards.

What turned into collecting the past turned into an addiction. I would come across horror films that I loved but never saw on tape. The boxes would mesmerize me. Before I knew it I purchased whatever horror VHS I found. Me likey forever.

So this Sunday I continued my VHS adventures. You can bet your left knee cap that  I found some very killer pieces. My collection is sophomoric compared to the big wigs out there. However, I could careless about the size of my…tape collection. It’s a grower not a shower.  But I’m feeling a little naughty. Me want to show you growth. I’ve worked hard at it. Shall we begin?

  1. King Kong VHS : 60th Anniversary Special Edition

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First up is this absolutely amazing King Kong 60th anniversary collectors edition tape. This was a perfect find since I saw and reviewed Kong: Skull Island! This golden nugget was released  by Turner Home Entertainment in 1993. The digital remastered soundtrack is tasty but what makes this beauty is the fact that the VHS cover ROARS! A brilliant yellow bubble that hovers over Kong on the cover informs the buyer to press Kongs chest. Once this is done we get to hear what sounds like bad indigestion or a grumpy tiger. Still awesome. Also, check out the opening promos that will open the flood gates of nostalgia!

CHECK IT! – King Kong VHS 1993 PROMO

2. Jaws: The Revenge VHS (98)

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What you look at this ugly piece of work! This 98 Goodtimes Home Video release is simply disgusting….so is Jaws: The Revenge. I love it so! Revenge was one of those movies that I would always watch on TV despite the fact that it offered too much shark and too much Lorraine Gary shoulder pads.

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Revenge is filled with ridiculous fun. It also features sexy Michael Caine as a Jimmy Buffet guy. I assure you will find delight in this trashbag movie after you separate it with it’s grandaddy from 1975.

For further fun check out this awesome VHS promo!

3. WWF’s Undertaker The Phenom VHS

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I’m not a mega fan of wrestling but I do love the attitude era. In this era I watched Undertaker do scary things. This made Sad Dracula excited and scared at the same time. Do you understand these two emotions?! Do you understand a child in the 90’s!? Do you understand THE PHENOM!

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I”m really looking forward to watching this treat. The tape has the feud between Taker and his brother, Kane! So sweet. The Attitude Era was, in my opinion, the greatest era of wrestling, ever. It pushed all sorts of boundaries across the sport and across TV. Without this era Trump would have never been POTUS. Thank you, WWF.

4. Halloween:1999 Restored Collectors Edition – Holographic/Hologram cover!

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When I found this at Half Price I shrieked out loud. I remember seeing this VHS at my old video store on Grand Ave! I haven’t seen it since. It was like finding an old toy in the attic. I never watched this particular VHS. It was the mere image of the Pumpkin transforming to Michael Myers that awed me. I remember if you stood to the side the image would be this demented half Myers/Pumpkin face killer! Ahhh!

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5. THE REST OF THE HOARD!

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Well, times a wasting away so I figured I would reveal the rest of my juicy finds! The haul was a tremendous one for a guy like me. A man on a budget so tight that it makes a Rabbi Mortistein look like a 14 year old girl at the mall with her first paycheck.

Collecting this trash is a stress reliever for me. I enjoy it. It’s cheap. It’s fun. It beats sucking on the bottle. Here’s to infinite happiness!

Sad Dracula Finds: Cool King Kong Stuff!

Hot off of seeing Kong: Skull Island I decided to spend my weekend in the best way possible. Not working.

*Applause

Taking a paid day off of work has allowed me time to spend time on time wasting activities. Such actives are as followed: Watch Ghoulies Go To College, Godzilla Raids Again, and 1995’s Evolver (reviewing this beautiful pile of shit soon). But the bulk of my day was focused on the headline of this article – finding Cool King Kong Stuff!

The keyword is STUFF. Boy, did I find some really awesome stuff! So grab your adventure gear and follow me as I take you on a wild adventure Kong stuff…what a weird word…stuff…

1. Giant King Kong in Japan!

I found this awesome blog called, Tokyo Fox. The blog is written by a gentleman who seems to be a modern Indiana Jones! I was scrolling on his Godzilla adventure and found this…

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Leave it up to Japan to have the coolest building in the world! King Kong coming out of FamilyMart. So freaking cool!

2. Red Robin Kong Burger Sign

The Ebay Machine has a million awesome Kong items. So selecting the most interesting piece was hard. I ended up using a mathematical equation that included Kong+Advertising=second choice. Lo! I present to you Red Robin Kong Burger Sign!

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I would totally buy this amazing piece of advertising. That is if I had a cool $1,500 to spare. Oh well, at least I can right click and save this delicious image.But just look at it! Kong on top of a Empire State Building, holding a tasty burger while smiling as the awesome copy reads, So Big It’s Scary. What else could you want?!

3. King Kong Inflatable Salesman

I remember being a kid in Chicago and seeing a giant King Kong inflatable on Irving Park road. He’d always be in front (or on top) of a car dealership. I remember driving with my Grandparents and cowering in fear. My Grandpa would assure me that he would shoot the monkey with a bow and arrow. No joke. Gramps was major dick. Anyway, I find it awesome yet odd that Kong is associated with car dealerships. To this day you can find various Kongs peddling cars like the greasy ape he is.

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4. King Kong Gets Funky with Barry White

The year was 1977. The music world was a bottomless ocean of audible treasures. But nothing can come close to Barry, “Prince of Pillow talk” White’s funky orchestral creation entitled Theme From King Kong. I can only imagine this was influenced by 76′ Kong and it’s impact it had on everything. This will be my alarm, forever.

Play me: BARRY WHITES KING KONG

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5. Sad Dracula’s Kongfrontation Treasures

Collecting Kong is an expensive hobby. This means when I come across Kong related treats I must exercise extreme financial caution. Most of all I must not be drinking nor fed after midnight when surfing the web. This will ultimately cause me to purchase all Kong related items on earth. This is a sad fact of a 28 year old geek. Let us begin the display!

 

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This bad boy is a Universal Studios Kongfrontation pass! When I stumbled upon this guy during a midnight Kong search on Ebay, I knew I needed. The defunct ride will always hold special place in my heart. The ride thrilled me. I remember going on the ride and thinking that the giant Kong animatronic just might come alive this time around. I was certain of it. Those stupid little childish thoughts come flooding back when I look at the art on the pass. I sure do miss those days.

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My second Kong collectible comes from Arbys when they promoted Kongfrontation! I won’t lie. I have no memory of ever eating Arbys during the Kongfrontation years. I am not a fan of Arbys. I feel like the meat is secretly thinly sliced human flesh soaked in various sauces. That’s a personal problem. But I love this awesome cup!

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My third piece is a combo of my kick ass Todd Mcfarlane Kong figure AND my 2005 box of Kellogg’s corn flakes cereal!

I picked up the Kong figure at a flea market in Chicago. I talked the guy down to $12 bones! I felt bad but I pretended I had no idea what this was. No shame in my hunting game. The sculpt is amazing. The find was even better!

Now, let me explain the box of 12 year old cereal. Back in high school I purchased this box of cereal because of Peter Jackson’s King Kong flick. But my objective was far more advanced! On the side of the box was a redemption code for a kick ass kong t shirt. You best believe that I mailed the coupon out. Within a couple of weeks I was rocking the awesome Kong Kellogg’s shirt. The shirt is lost. I miss that shirt. I just might purchase it again on ebay…

Well it’s all over. I hope you enjoyed this journey of random Kong stuff. I hope this triggered your wallets to cough up the cashmoney to see Kong:Skull Island. It’s the best monster movie in decades. DECADES! Don’t believe me? Just check out It’s Alive Horror Podcast and their thrilling review.

Cheers,

Sad Dracula

 

 

 

Kong Superman Punches a Helicopter.

Last week the PODCAST I co-host released  EPISODE 11 in which we gushed over all things King Kong. The episode heavily focused on the upcoming Kong:Skull Island movie that is set to be unleashed March 10th. However, It’s Alive Podcast has a connection with the big hairy guy. Low and behold we found ourselves in possession of a map…

…a map in the form of a ticket to see a sneak screening of KONG: SKULL ISLAND in  beautiful IMAX 3D! My awesome God was it the ultimate monster movie experience that we have all been waiting for.

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Take a gander at the above Japanese poster. For me the poster layout instantly sends me back to when I was a 10 year old kid. It reminds me of how freaking awesome a kids life was in the 90’s. We had awesome monster toys, awesome monster shows and movies, and pretty much awesome everything. Everything was FUN.

The above poster is a perfect representation off what to expect in Kong:Skull Island. It is the ultimate monster/adventure film that we all grew up loving. Strangely we truly never experienced the full capabilities of the Monster Movie genre. That is until now.

I love Kong. I love Godzilla. I love giant monsters destroying things. But in every new monster movie I watched  I wanted more. The best taste of adventure was from Peter Jackson’s Kong. However, that was bogged down by bleakness and too much melodrama sauce. It was a great flick but that monster kid inside wasn’t fully satisfied.

Kong: Skull Island delivers all that was missing. It truly is the best Giant Monster movie to date. Kong is given a new and refreshing role that reminds us why he is King. Also, he’s not a sex offender this time around. Phew.

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“How YOU’s doing, baby?”

 

KONG: Skull Island needs to be seen on the IMAX screen. At times the movie feels like a ride. The IMAX experience enhances that feeling tenfold. But you should see it in the IMAX format anyway.

Why?

Because King Kong Superman punches a  God damn helicopter!

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Go see the big hairy hero. You will not be disappointed. All Hail The King!

Shhh…*Stay after the credits.